FINALLY, and these things have been crossing over my mind

sorry for not blogging for a really.. really long time..

i apologise for not posting anything..
so here it is..

I realize that i hav'nt been talking to her for a really long time.
She began to give me false hopes and made me really think alot,
Its ridiculous for me to wait for a reply...
well all sorts of reply, i texted her she said her phone's dead
i messeged her online and she's always away.
what else can i do to get closer to you ?

Friends around me that has been giving advice about this situation
Actually i aint wanna think of giving up my feelings towards her, but
but things really are not going well at all.
If she does'nt like me, well please tell me... or even
text me as a friend ? i dont really mind
(well that is when i say it, but deep down i really feel HURT)

As time passes by, i went to a road trip with my friends.
It was a couple trip, where as all my friends brought their partner.
I joined because im incharge to take pictures of them.
I'm the loner as usual, that when i always think about myself being that.
That morning, where all of us meet up at the DIM SUM place for breakfast,
My friend brought his ''Sister'' along.
I admit she's pretty and im shy :)
We knew each other but not really close, i thought of you know maybe
by giving myself a chance to know a friend ?
She has big eyes,
really nice pink lips,
brown long hair,
overall proportioned,
love the waist line,
fair skin,
but that's not all, most important ! her beautiful smile :D
My friend actually told me to take care of her, ''she's with you for the day''
hmm i felt that i responsible to really take care of her through out the trip.

Yeah the trip was really fun, well fun for them ofcourse
through out the trip, she and i sat together behind the backseat
where as my best friend sat infront and his future girlfriend
was driving us the whole time.
well, while we're on the road, she's sleeping the whole time,
lying down, where her head is facing towards me.

At first she was sleeping on my friend's back as a pillow,
Then i offer her if she wants to sleep closer to myside,
since i dont really take up much of a space,
then she was like sleeping on my lap already.
The road back home, was really bumpy,
i can feel her warmth on my tigh,
well i never felt this way before,
none of my ex's ever did that to me.
i was really concern and yet afraid, what if she doesn't feel comfortable ?
The pajero ride was really bumpy.
I gently held her head and shoulder so she felt less shakey.
Honestly, im really feeling uneasy at first,
but after a while, i felt really really comfortable too.
i dont know why ?

After that fantastic road trip,
everyone wants it more, its because
its really fun,
no one fuck it up?
its really a mature outing :)
although it may sound like im like a playboy ?
but i think i started to like my friend's ''sister''

as days goes by....
i did started chatting with my friend's ''sister''
i really tried to avoid the moment of awkwardness
we msn-ed we skype we text ~
yesterday !! my friend actually made her skyped with me
yeah~ i'm really happy and all
but i dont know about what she feels about me,
arghh i felt so stupid
she asked me is it true that i wanted to court her?
thanks alot best friend !!
i swear lucky my webcam is spoilt
what if she sees my stupid face?
omg telling her that '' actually i kinda like you !''
i actually hesitated to say it,
i was afraid! i had no balls
but in the end, i just said it !
did'nt know my best friend was just beside her.
and yes the whole webcam thing its like a request from my best friend
for her to call me.

right after that, we went for dinner :)
darn luck thing, i rushed there near her housing area.
so lucky till i booked a table before they arrive.
i was waiting for them at a corner,
till they arrive :)
she sat beside me where as my friend sat at the other side,
starring at me,
like a tease.

pressure is all i feel :(
she commented on the way that i wear
they seem to feel that they under-dressed?
we laugh we talked we ate dinner
honestly i really suck when it comes to paying bills,
all i have is rm80 and my friend does not have enough money.
so i paid for him instead..
shocking shit! im suppose to pay for her!! god dammit !!
the bill came, and i cant even diff and seperate who's gonna pay who's?
Then she told me to hand it right over,
i SUCK SO MUCHHH wtfff
then my friend gave me the STARE again !
so fucking screwed.

i wish i was a lilll smarter !! and wiser
im so fucking stupid wtff man..
it was drizzling out there in the night.
we had like a drink at the nearest mamak store, and then we walk her home.

my friend went ahead, left her and i at the back walking.
i walked side to side along with her.
i felt that she's shy and all,
i dont know what the fuck that im doing,
i use my palms to cover her head, so that she does'nt get wet under the rain.
fucking lame right ?

there she goes, she reached her apartment.
Then both of us took a cab home.
I felt that having dinner with them its really nice,
especially with her :)
i dont really mind if she's eating alot,
but at the same time, eating in a proper way :)
she's cute when she's eating
although she tends to complain that she's fat and alll
but who cares ! i like her, the way she is
i really hope, both of us can work things out
perhaps maybe one day, we can be a really happy couple ?
i really wanna know what she thinks about me ?
this feeling never goes off