the last day of Feb

This whole month is filled with ups and downs..
She has been a girl that i use to emo about..
hmmm although now i dont really feel much about it,
unless i think about it ?

if possible, i will not want to care, if i have a choice.
i guess normal friends will do...
days and days goes by..
i've been distracting myself from thinking about that situation.
During when having tea with you and your best friend,
there are hidden conversations occur,
i'll just dont bother to ask, but to look away
just to comfort myself from knowing things too much.
hurt is just a feeling.
but it affects the person alot, especially me.

college has been a hell to me.
since its 3 subjects this semester...
modeling for maya have been a fucking hellllll of a mess.
autodesk maya always been a bitch to me.
more than 200 buttons to press?
knowing it will branch out for more buttons?
without knowing the functions ?
oh come on!! just kill me ?
datelinesm, phonecalls for warning!
please !!!

my computer been dying on me, i cant do it !!
but i'll hand in ! at the end of the day !
i'll promise !
it might not be a masterpiece ! but i aint want to fail !!
FOCUS SAM !! FOCUS !! LIFE LIFE WILL BE MUCH BETTER AHEAD FOR YOUU !!

Feb 2nd

Chinese New Year is around the corner.
as time goes by, i felt Cny is just a time where family gather around,
like thanks giving.

for the past few weeks, i've been going out with her and my bestfriend
for quite sometime. i've been trying to forget and pushing that feeling aside
as i'm talking with her.
pretty hard, but yet i aint want to loose her.
really its painful deep inside, but god knows i hope this feeling just die.
i even lend Rachel to her, my bike, my love.

emo emo emo.
when can i ever stand back up and realize what i've done towards myself.
just in the end of the day, i will just feel that the sam of my past,
acts like an idiot.
i've been sleeping for the past 12 hours.

Although its been a nice sleeping moment,
but i still feel tired deep down inside me.
i dreamt about her, being with another guy,
happily.. holding hands, having lunch and all.
all i have left is... well nothing ?
i cant say i cannot live without her,
but the feeling of this can be really annoying.

i felt less hurt right now, cause she's not around.
the past two to three days before,
i sent her a text, wishing her good luck for her driving test for license.
she was really nervous,
then i was actually filming for my friend's production.
i really wanna text her more,
but i felt that im no one but just a guy to replace her boredom.
sad isn't it ? but owhh well..
i did'nt let that happen,
as usual, im just a mirror to certain people whom i dont think they deserve it.
a great friend told me that she's not worth it,
she wants me to move on.

she claims that i dont deserve to treat her so good.
well she's realistic, so i guess that's a fact.
no one will ever go for a guy like me,
its not that im not trying, its just that situation just did'nt turn out so well.
i dont know how many tears have i shed
been sleeping with a wet pillow.

may 2011 be a good year for me,
i really hope i can do it
for the best of myself

happy cny