im still middle of nowhere

well i duno what makes me blog for so early in the morning umm 1.36Am ??
u guess i feel very lonely for the day and i wan to share and spit it out ,
i hope this will make me feel better . but school life will be ending in one month's time ?? honestly when everytime i said that i dun miss , behind those shits , i actually enjoy but not 100%. highschool to me is something dreadfull , politics ?? kind a but still its life ....

i watch loveguru , and guru pitka said when u are nowhere , well now u are ''now - here '' i guess i am still figuring it out and if u want to find a fastest way to solve a problem ?? , well throw the problem to a lazy person , they will find a shortcut to solve it !! i guess it sounds wacky , but its true well this is the second thing which i am gonna practise ^^

i've also encouraged by some of my dear friends , they really made me wake up and ready for battle in life , but still my mind might not accept it , yet life goes on




yet still awake =.=
studying , << trying very hard to

i felt better in time

im back blogging haha , umm umm recently i totally kept myself busy.
studying , lots of reading , and been staying in friends house.
just to hold myself from my com addiction,
it went pretty well,

my driving agent friend told me to push 50 sales and during this period of spm,
i felt a lil impossible ,
and i dun have any confident in doing that,
my revision still half way hanging.
umm about ''her'' i guess the feeling is no longer there ,
perhaps fading , i even can joke even more better with her ,
perhaps best friend ^^

my friendster was darn active recently,
lots of friends ^^
i met this girl ^^
she's like me too , she draw haha anime ^^ woohoo
smsed her lately , hope we can meet =)
i even ask her to teach me how to draw girl anime << i really suck in it =p
she's a nice person haha
i felt people around me are having their own problems too /
so i shall not be so upset about my problems

well i skipped school for almost one month ,
and my lifestyle is sickenning >.<
woke up at 11am and use to computer
just to give myself excuses that my phone did'nt set the clock >.<
and so i on friendster and check email and stuff
there's one time haha , i was scolded from one of my dearest friend^^
well i know its you , so u dun need to feel wrong about scolding me ,
u really say words from your heart ,
i really appreciate that thanks ~
now i know who care me the most ^^

anyway , studying is not tough at all just that ,
im not that maths and science person ,
and thanks to my friends and sisters who support my back ^^
i appreciate u all haha

friends just remain as friends,
buddies just remain buddies ,
i learn something else frmo the movie love guru,
guru pitka lols ,
he's totally wacky like me !! haha but he is my sensei !! woohoo

haha my favourite movie ^^

anyway lots of nice things he said , just that he made it look stupid
i also wish i can write a book about my life ^^
besides that i also learn something frmo my friend's mistakes
but i've picked a line or two from
his blog:[是你的就是你的； 不是你的就不是你的 ;是我的就是我的； 不是我的就不是我的]
saying that:[ whats yours is yous , whats not yours are always not yours]

it can be apply in every situation , umm especially love ^^
okok i'll better head back to my darling books haha lols
study time ~

is it me ??

funny thing , i felt changes

this afternoon i went to get some notes from my friend's house , umm she said that i look skinnier and taller ?? umm is that true ?? i was surprised

after that i went to ss2 for pasar malam, there's my china friend even as about my age , whether am i 18 ?? lols that young merr ?? my other friend laugh like shit , lols ?? kid ? haha

just felt shit up ~

after dinner , i chat with some of my nerdy friends about i started studying ~
they ''laugh'' once again !! walao weii ~ they think i am fucking life coz i work outside during spm year , i was like whats wrong man ?? can't a person like me study ?? they even think that i will skipp spm ?? what the shits ??


i just feel : '' walao weii !! '' << why u guys think i am a person like that one ?? they even think i will joke my life away man haih i dun wan to spend my whole time cleaning the drains with my wife man !! come on a man should have a target to accheive what a man needs !! no matter chicks or money ?? or even buisness !! im gonna have it all !! im glad that i am back on the track again ! bye bye emos !!




i felt motivated !! out of no where

i was lost

lost again , so i went out cycle to make myself better , i speed and speed
i realise that i dun have that strengh and stamina anymore but why ??

im feeling sad again , but i dun wan to. this feeling is just like rain . it comes when it wanted to run and speed !! and dun wan to come back

i wan to speed and speed and never return , hope i can go to one place where people are just like a happy fairy tale and have a happy ending

fairy tale ?? impossible , i have to face the fact , forget means forget
everytime when it rains flashes and pieces of memory just appear in my head as always , sweet moment of the past

unforgettable

just a little bit

fianlly those misunderstanding days were over , i finally can sleep peacefully . Somehow my mind did'nt wonder on its own , felt comfortable just a little bit .
Every night , my mind wonders in the past and future , what is my dream is telling me ??

i see people and places which i felt familiar , but i was in some funny clothes , one thing i am sure that it was'nt fake , and in my dream i have this kind of ability to see through dimention , i can read people's minds and heart too .
then she got into my head once again , that feeling of pain and scream ,a scream of a girl which makes my heart bleed .

awwfull ~ dredfull ~ and totally felt pain

my dreams are just like visions , it always jump here and teleport to some other places and totally different time , from the past , present and the future .
i will suffer amnesia when ever i woke up , my head is totally oily and sweaty .
i hate this kind of feeling when i am asleep. i guess something disturb my mind .
lost of memory when ever i try to remember it.

i will have flashes of every lost piece of memory , when the sky is dark and drizzle . i always wonder what is she doing and what am i doing to myself , and i thinking and feeling something wrong ??

i started working with my friend just to find a way to forget about that whole thing , but everytime when i lay my head on my bed , i just felt it back again , its like coming back to me once again . those moments , those feelings , those incident , those scars , those memory ...

i felt this is real

its just yesterday , after finish talking , i feel like hearing this song
it just make me feel better although a king but he needs to find his queen

''QUEEN OF MY HEART '' - westlife


So here we stand
In our secret place
Where the sound of the crowd
Is so far away
You take my hand
And it feels like home
We both understand
It's where we belong

So how do I say
Do I say goodbye
We both have our dreams
We both wanna fly
So let's take tonight
To carry us through
The lonely times

I'll always look back
As I walk away
This memory will last for eternity
And all of our tears
Will be lost in the rain
When I find my way back
To your arms again
But until that day
You know you are
The queen of my heart

So let's take tonight
And never let go
While dancing we'll kiss
Like there's no tomorrow
As the stars sparkle down
Like a diamond ring
I'll treasure this moment
Till we meet again

But no matter how far (no matter how far)
Or where you may be (where you may be)
I just close my eyes (just close my eyes)
And you're in my dreams
And there you will be
Until we meet

I'll always look back
As I walk away
This memory will last for eternity
And all off our tears
Will be lost in the rain
When I find my way back
To your arms again
But until that day
You know you are
The queen of my heart

I'll always look back
As I walk away
This memory will last for eternity
And all off our tears
Will be lost in the rain
When I find my way back
To your arms again
But until that day
You know you are
The queen of my heart

Oh yeah
You're the queen of my heart (queen of my heart)
No matter how many years it takes (queen of my heart)
i'm coming home to you
Oh yeah (queen of my heart)
Oh yes you are
The queen of my heart

''A wall had build strong and high between us''

i could only remember this line , for the rest of my life

''A wall had build strong and high between us '' = to me is no more friend/no hope ??

i really dun wan to end it like this ...
i dun even feel that was me ,
is there any misunderstanding between us ??
u've locked your blog ,
which sometihng i know about it ,
it makes me wonder more ,
face it or dun face it ?
i wanted to escape a long time ago ,
just wan to let u go

anyway do whatever u like , i will keep myself away just to be near u
i dun wan those memory come back
or even flashback
i just wan to vanish and never return
i guess i am curse in such a way
which i dunno how ??

i also hope u can get a guy who loves u alot
and i hope u will know how to appreciate a friend's care
i guess these days i really analyze a person u are
till i can read u like a book
which i really do

i will make my conclusion short
and will shorten my part
i guess if it was a mistake to love u
i guess i really have the courage of try to love u
but things just got bumpy on the way
i just do things on my way

i really hate people talking bad about something
i've change to hate people like betrayers or even anything
its ok , to build relationship
but talking bad about people is something that should'nt be in a friendship

well do anything u like ,
i've done my part as a friend
''if u really think i was a friend of yours ''
go on and hear to other people talking about
whatever i do ??
and just go clubbing
just do whatever u wanted to

i just wanna tell u
i will cut the crap out of the things i'll do to u
another mile to avoid from u
just another space to forget you

day of expected and unexpected

th day have arrived in my thoughts of this day along time ago
it all began by a person which i cant forgive
a person whom i trusted once and will never trust
since this post is to let a special person in my heart to see
i know its hard where u heard both sides of people talking about me

but

i just have one thing to say , its hard for me too
since the day i have that feelings towards you,i already told myself its impossible
its already a mistake , but what i can say that i am not pretending anything
things gets harsh when i can't keep my emotions and my feelings
i mix with u its not becoz i wan to kao u
i help u its not becoz i wanna have a chance to say i love you
i mix with your friends is not becoz i wanna check on you
i do so many things is not to make myself look like a good man
but ~
i do whatever things to u all its friendship and true
i benefit u people , but nothing benefits me
i can say that its a development of my sweat and blood

i would like to tell u , but i cant
the truth is , that night at your sister's wedding,
i was not pretending to purposely to stay in your house,
i just wan to rest for a while due to my head was heavy,
and its hard to be concious
believe what u think its right , i will not stop u
i even know that u think i am following u to the kitchen just to do something that u might thought of ??

lemme tell u , i just wan to lend your housephone to call my dad not to latch the main door

its very simple , becoz u hear to your aiya sister say and u forget what we have as friendship ?

i feel very disapointed when i know about this , things spread quickly
i was asking myself not to believe what other people say
but
i still move on as my old self


do u know ? when the first time i have feelings towards you ...
so many good friends of mine has so much conflict and betraying happenning in my life ??
i always trying to improove myself and again and again
i dun care whether people accept me or not
i just know that i dun belong to any group for long
this case
i dun wan to tell out if becoz i know its something personal , and i dun wan to make it so hard for u becoz u are their friends

becoz of changing myself better i talk to them who betray me instead of wacking them and being a barbarian


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days goes by ,
when i talk to u in msn ,
u reply me as if u dun even wan to talk to me ,
but i keep trying trying ,
i never give up ,
everynight i got say good night and ''zhu fu '' u and him to get to know each other and get along before i sleep


i know it hurts , and it hurts very bad in my heart
but i still do it , these words just cant come out from my mouth
so many things happening behind me
its just like falling in a deep hole
...
and it gets in deeper
deeper ...
and deep



as my wound never heals ....



i just feel very bad , and wondering whether liking u is a bad thing ??
and finally i realise , u dun trust me and start to have less confidence in me
i am shy and emotional when it comes to liking someone and never tell out
its just me

things changed around , during the movies , i really think alot and not paying fully attention towards the movie
that is why i am thinking alot
i dun wan to say something stupid
but my face just showed it ,
i dun that to happen ,
but i just wan to feel your last existance when i am with u
as in a distance ,
coz i will try and do whatever just to stay away from u

i know its hard to believe everthing is different from what is infront of me
its worse to compare the view of my front and back
i just feel ........
i know everything from what have u think from the beginning
and as predicted it happened

thou

everynight my mind wonders and worry about u
that is why i dun like u to go to clubbing
its not that i wan to control
but i know i cant be there for u
im just dun suit to be your boyfriend ?? and suddenly felt that
just a minor conflict and misunderstanding and makes u feel different about me
i tried to forget about u
my tears just keep shed every moment when i am thinking about you

no matter where ever i go and what ever i do


*this pose is to someone who i really deeply in love before *

butterfly lovers~

i watched that movie today , nice movie thou , touched by that movie ,
ah sa u're acting very good ne , i love your movies ^^

also first time see wu zhun acting , hmm ok la





have to go ~ *no mood *