day of expected and unexpected

th day have arrived in my thoughts of this day along time ago
it all began by a person which i cant forgive
a person whom i trusted once and will never trust
since this post is to let a special person in my heart to see
i know its hard where u heard both sides of people talking about me

but

i just have one thing to say , its hard for me too
since the day i have that feelings towards you,i already told myself its impossible
its already a mistake , but what i can say that i am not pretending anything
things gets harsh when i can't keep my emotions and my feelings
i mix with u its not becoz i wan to kao u
i help u its not becoz i wanna have a chance to say i love you
i mix with your friends is not becoz i wanna check on you
i do so many things is not to make myself look like a good man
but ~
i do whatever things to u all its friendship and true
i benefit u people , but nothing benefits me
i can say that its a development of my sweat and blood

i would like to tell u , but i cant
the truth is , that night at your sister's wedding,
i was not pretending to purposely to stay in your house,
i just wan to rest for a while due to my head was heavy,
and its hard to be concious
believe what u think its right , i will not stop u
i even know that u think i am following u to the kitchen just to do something that u might thought of ??

lemme tell u , i just wan to lend your housephone to call my dad not to latch the main door

its very simple , becoz u hear to your aiya sister say and u forget what we have as friendship ?

i feel very disapointed when i know about this , things spread quickly
i was asking myself not to believe what other people say
but
i still move on as my old self


do u know ? when the first time i have feelings towards you ...
so many good friends of mine has so much conflict and betraying happenning in my life ??
i always trying to improove myself and again and again
i dun care whether people accept me or not
i just know that i dun belong to any group for long
this case
i dun wan to tell out if becoz i know its something personal , and i dun wan to make it so hard for u becoz u are their friends

becoz of changing myself better i talk to them who betray me instead of wacking them and being a barbarian


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days goes by ,
when i talk to u in msn ,
u reply me as if u dun even wan to talk to me ,
but i keep trying trying ,
i never give up ,
everynight i got say good night and ''zhu fu '' u and him to get to know each other and get along before i sleep


i know it hurts , and it hurts very bad in my heart
but i still do it , these words just cant come out from my mouth
so many things happening behind me
its just like falling in a deep hole
...
and it gets in deeper
deeper ...
and deep



as my wound never heals ....



i just feel very bad , and wondering whether liking u is a bad thing ??
and finally i realise , u dun trust me and start to have less confidence in me
i am shy and emotional when it comes to liking someone and never tell out
its just me

things changed around , during the movies , i really think alot and not paying fully attention towards the movie
that is why i am thinking alot
i dun wan to say something stupid
but my face just showed it ,
i dun that to happen ,
but i just wan to feel your last existance when i am with u
as in a distance ,
coz i will try and do whatever just to stay away from u

i know its hard to believe everthing is different from what is infront of me
its worse to compare the view of my front and back
i just feel ........
i know everything from what have u think from the beginning
and as predicted it happened

thou

everynight my mind wonders and worry about u
that is why i dun like u to go to clubbing
its not that i wan to control
but i know i cant be there for u
im just dun suit to be your boyfriend ?? and suddenly felt that
just a minor conflict and misunderstanding and makes u feel different about me
i tried to forget about u
my tears just keep shed every moment when i am thinking about you

no matter where ever i go and what ever i do


*this pose is to someone who i really deeply in love before *