doubts about letting it go & future plans

hmmm its been a week again,
by right i should be happy about this, it because
i should be having the chance to chat with her again :)
supposingly its the week to go out with her on a date

but

its just such a nice timing, where my friend's birthday party
clashes with the day of the date.
well not exactly clash, but im more like
BROKE...
how am i suppose to go out with her in a state of
BROKE ?!!??

i felt its just embarrassing.
i mean how can you go out on a date where you dont have confident in your wallet ?
its suppose to be a guy treat girl thing.
unless she really dont mind.
plus recently, i've been thinking hard towards myself,
am i the right guy for her ?
people always tend to ask for what they should deserve,
but do they really deserve to get what they deserve?
think about it,

i might just be another wacky fellow that always being happy around people,
making lame jokes and being different
attract attention and shits.
but deep down inside me.
i doubt myself am i a weak person who tries to act strong and all ?
trying to proof myself
trying to be somebody
to be that somebody who gains everyone respect??

sighhh as always ...
i always wonder what she thinks,
its not that i want to turn you down for the date.
but yeah i felt something...
i dont really know you like me or not ?
as one of my friend adviced me,
just go and all ''straight to the point, tell her what you think about her''
im reckless yet being afraid,
i guess that's what kept me going missing you, like you, and try to love you and all
most important thing is,

i DO care about youu god dammit!!

so.... thought of a future plans?
im aint a person who plan, but im gonna talk about it.
in the year 2012,
my family and i have to shift,
left to no choice, but to move on
since my aunt and dad dont want to owe anything to each other
seems like my aunt is feeling really stress.
as for my dad,
he is trying to find a way to solve this big problem
that has been being around us for quite sometime.
being the eldest son is not easy.
but well im gonna try it no matter how !!
right now,
i have to set my goals and my determination must be a 200% positive !

a friend of mine told me about trying to be a part time photographer
since i have a 550d
yet for photography,
im still finding my kinda of pictures that i wanna take.
photography opens up a person's mind and eyes towards the world.
but yeah as for my
DIGITAL PHOTOGRAPHY class,
i feel shit up this morning for not having enough sleep,
2 times i've been absent in total.
plus, im a little bit worry since
like what my other classmates said that
the submission of all the pictures will due to today,
still...
the shitty part is, i hav'nt take any pictures recently. its just so
arghhh... i hate myself!

welll solutionss, i need solutionss
i guess i just have no choice but to do it anyway.
i'll just have to tell the lecturer about how things have been happening around me