happy yet unsure

After a week or two, i met her again in the online chat.
As usual i made the first move by saying ''hey''.
well for this week, i tried to push everything a little more than before.
i even tried to ask her out for an unofficial date.
''a meal or two'' thats the thing i mentioned.
kinda realized a lill stupid to say that. haha but i dont care.
It seems that she did'nt reject me straight away.
Instead, she asked ''when??''

Lots of stuff came into my mind lately.
Like : '' am i doing the right thing ?'' & '' am i ready for it ?''
i get really confusing at times, dont know what is the right thing to say about
or even what is the right thing to express through speaking.
as some said, communication problem?
I know myself pretty well, as not the kind who talks smart but
more to the kind of person to do it.

At the same time,
im afraid deep within me, and afraid that someone to reach out
and lend a hand to pull me out from this deep hole.
im sinking yet not noticing.
everytime you did'nt give a specific answer, which makes me
think lots of stuff.
many said, just let it be and go with the flow.
Before i go with the flow?
i wanna know where i stand ? deep down in your heart or
even in your life?
By expectation,
your family comes first, therefore career and then your friends :)
i aint sure you want to be in a relationship,
but that does'nt mean i cant wait.
i just need a specific answer so i know who i am to you.
just want to say im not desperate or anything, just
to be sure about things in my life,
and also getting to know you better.

i hope i really can do it.
After two weeks from now, i most probably will be taking you out for a meal or two?
or it may not happen at all ?
if it really happens,
i really wish that everything goes well.
it depends on how we progress weekly.
Been missing you day by day.
wondering how are you doing, i know you're busy
therefore i did'nt want to text you.
But if you need a someone to talk to ?
i wont mind to be the one to do it :)

lastly, i wish you good luck and all the best in your exams

its been a year and a half

i hav'nt been updating this blog for a while, ever since... hmmm i dont know..
Many things have changed.
Well i dont know if there will be anyone still keep track of my blog and all
but..
That does'nt really matters.
These days, i've been feeling extremely down due to
the stuffs been happening to me.
Firstly .. is ..
i hav'nt been going after a girl that i like for like.. years ??
till that day, when i was waiting for a friend to pick me up.
i was really surprised when i open the door. realizing that
i never thought of seeing her again.
its the same feeling that had towards her back in the days when im in form 1.
Day by day and week by week, we've talk and chat on msn and we texted.
I felt the feeling of talking to her makes my day brighter and brighter,
i never felt this happy before...
so.. i decided to make a move forward a lill just to see if things improve that the way it was..
i wonder its either am i thinking too much or its just the fact
that she just treat me like a normal friend ?
this question haunts me every single night before i close my eyes and get to sleep
i know it sounds like im not understanding and all but yeah
you're having your exams and all, waiting its not a problem to me
some said im loyal some said im stupid,
but hey..
if its worth it, go for it ! tat's what they say..
its painful yet, i dont know? hmm maybe its just falling in love with you
its just a price to pay ?

Recently, i've been trying to change myself so much.
i've set target and goals for my 2 years plan.
i decided to get a better life and earn to get my first car.
Just so you know that i dont like to be too dependant to my family,
therefore i went to look for a part time job.
My friend's uncle happen to open an ice cream shop near the mall.
and my friend is working, having an incredible pay.
i thought of like, if i asked, maybe i'll get the same rate as him.
so, i went through the interview and all
and i did not know the his pay is actually i confidential thing.
some said its not harm to ask, and i dont like to point out names
Then yesterday night, i was being called and i'm ''officially'' employed
just being clear about my pay, i asked
It did'nt turn out to be what i've expected.
The employer tend to conclude my friend tend to tell me about his pay,
where as the actually the its his nephew who told me about it.

It almost started a fight/arguement.
That really hits me in the head, since last year or two,
i was facing the same thing with my best friend back then.
i was being a bitch about money than seeing what's more
valuable than a friendship.
but yeah long story cut short.
i talked to him about it.
and it went cool and all..
i aint wanna lose another friend in my life, its just too pain to handle.

When i got back home, i felt sad yet proud and happy about the things that i've done.
thought about it, maybe i've grown through shits happening around me.
some said experience ?
some said obstacles ?
some said bad luck ?
well i said


its life, learn to deal with it,
but not to complain about it .

major fucked up night

a hate that is grown in me since the day that i know what is the word ''fuck'' . My dad start to educate me discipline when i was little , but too bad i don't know what is that at all . Therefore he use harsh way so that i can change ?? but guess what ?? i was only 11 that time . since that years he have been threating like a peice of shit that is been came out frmo my mum's ****

when his company is having some kind of problems , i was being the one to be fucked upside -down . where is there a dad wake the son up at 3 am and tell him to work his ass off and wash his estima ?? *that time when he is still ok with financial*
i am still a kid larrhhh come on , i dont know anything . being spank at the face when i start laughing with cousins ?? what the fuck is this ?? no fcuking sense at all .

life is getting even worse during highschool life . infact that is where my hate grew the most among all those years . i've seen things negative way . i became rebellious ever since then . i start to go against every rule that is being made ... school for an instance , i became a devilin ... feels good

i felt that , that is the way to express myself ... i hate my dad alot
during the year of pmr which is 15 the age i am , he stressed my like hell and told me to do household FOR FUCKSS ARHH ?? i mean everyone is being like last minute doing stuff and revision before they even can leave the house ... and this fucker told me to do household , i was mad and i threw all the plates on the floor like a crazy person . then he smacked me at the ear , my left ear drum is broken , bleed and went off the hospital for medication .

fucking pain weii , seriously he is insane !!

spm year , which i always hear the most shit frmo him . SON U BETTER EITHER FAILL YOUR SPM AND BETTER FUCK OFF FRMO MY HOUSE AND START YOUR OWN LIFE K ??

wtf is this what a father should say ?? plus he shouted at me to fuck off from this house and going to tell my aunty to stay outside wtf weii he is not human .. i rather feel wtf am i in this world for ?? to kena fuck ??

then tonight no dinner , without telling me earlier .. and he start to complain that i am asking too much .. come on i am just asking some basic stuff like dinner ??
asking for dinner also got mistake arr? ? wtf man !!
so i was asking that .. and he got so mad and he yelled at me , i was also trying to find a chance to fight him back !! therefore i spoil the damnn cupboard , broke few glasses and plates , and the toolbox ! and i hand to hand combat him





haihh why my grandfather did'nt torture him ?? haihh someone help me arr


of couse i win the combat lar !!

yeahh~

life is just getting better and better , finally i've got my celcom 3g haha can online =) somehow they have this kind of limitation 5gig ?? my area sux cause dont have p1 w1max .. cause their package is like rm199 but u can use fro 20gig and 20 gig is like damnn a lot mannn ... some how here they dont have the reception for it =(

i skipped class today , cause i dont have the mood to draw today .. just dont know , usually i feel excited but recently haihh i just dont know what happen . yeahh yesterday i've got my ear pierced right at the bone there wahahah ouchh right ?? heehee .

college life is getting better and better , i've like social till everybody knows my name and stuff haha kinda cool haha and very unite too ... the group is kinda like very universal style , aint lala or some other shit .... in that group u can see nothing pure at all just normal and smart people and a joker like me haha and fuck the losers from smk dj , sucks to be with them haha

i just cant wait to get my illustrator cs4 haihh cause i really need it for my coursework and alot of practise too ^^

anyway today is a lil special day , kinda like can online !! heehee !! love it haha

2 week in college life

haha i manage to find to online in my college's library ^^ .. well well what else can i say?? ummm sure is the unnamed guest is pretty annoying me , but if he bugs again , he sure is gonna test my limit >.< colllege life is well ... what can i say ?? stress ?? haha not yet i guess , not till the important assignment comes haha .... but pretty difficult compare to highschool


haha the people ?? the people here is not bad , manage to be in a sort of a group ^^ most likely very warm , kind and friendly ... some says feels like home and stuff ? haha but we have lunch always ... besides that some seniors that i've known in here are friendly and helpful .. great thing huh haha .. they really give good advice towards the junior , or shall i say the freshmen haha

lots of laughs and pretty moments recently , just that i hate to sit the bus back home , just imagine after i finish my research in the library .. and i have to sit in that rapid KL buss with all the smelly scent of all the malay and indian awww damnnn don't blame me for saying that heehee

always realise that the library dude feels like his job is so darn bored and lifeless , just imagine all the same work again and again ^^


btw i just love the assignments ^^ drawings and research and USE MONEY like mad on art materials >.<


anyway kind a rush always , so maybe i just end this post by saying ....... '' I WANNA HAVE A LAPTOP !!!!!!"

haha haha haha haha haha haha

finally my type of college

yeahh the tittle says so , im in COLLEGE !! ! finally , and its the third day already . i started off playing cool along the way , but somehow i've just lost it . well new life new style !! haha and till today i've made some new friends too , not bad rightt ???


and the lecturers are not that bad , not like what my seniors have told me . but my classes are mostly in the morning . sometimes i dismiss early , but i have to get my internett!! ahh !!

and yeahh my class got leng luii larr , they come and approach me , and i know my drawing are good hahaa always get picked by my lecturers haha , dont mention about it , im not posting it up heehee

can't wait till my car comes !! but it only arrive next year , sad right ??
anyway lots of research about games and graphics , and also drawings too !!

yeah the world is really small cause i manage to see some people that i use to know during my primary school time ^^
5 damnn yearss , and i've met her again !!
her name is iva , used to draw alot of american comics heeheee
and grace lee ?? she's like the same schools with me since primary school ??
her drawing are amazing always !! salutee her for thattt ^^



its getting late , i gotta go

i'll promise that i'll update ^^

long hair dayss

just gotten myself a decent haircut , thanks to his advice ^^ i look better , lighter , cooler , faster haha the bunch of hair is really very heavy and always slow me down wahahahahahaaa now with the new style i can match my clothes very well ^^


say ,2 more days to college , i am quite gan jiong but im all ready to get there and start everything ^^


wish me luck =p